{ Promises and Sacrifices } [Holly x Fallen]

[Garrus Vakarian]

Rating: Approximately T/M for mainly violence.

God, I've wanted to repost this for ages. This is a Hollyleaf|x|Fallen Leaves fanfic, so if you don't like the pairing, just go away. =P No, really. I don't like flaming or trolling in my fics. Basically, this started off as a one-shot, but I actually want to keep up with it... I had to change a couple things, though, due to Dawn of the Clans being released. Click on the chapter titles and stuff to view it.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Chapter One- Vows}"She's lost too much blood. We couldn't have saved her."

I knew that I was going to die from the moment I tried to save Ivypool. There was nothing that could be done. The Dark Forest warriors were strong, yes. But, the cats of the Clans were a lot stronger, and I knew they could overpower them, even though I was gone. I sacrificed myself to save her, that way she could live on in ThunderClan, and not make the same mistakes I did.

I was glad that I could see Leafpool one last time before my life bleed out in ThunderClan's camp. She was my mother, and although I didn't know that for a good part of my life, I was happy that I got to spend just a small amount of time with her, before StarClan called me home. I'd made my peace with them when I decided to leave Fallen Leaves in the tunnels and come back to ThunderClan's land, back to where I belonged.

Or, at least...that's what I let myself believe. No one else knew, but, I missed that ginger and white tom. He stayed with me, and comforted me when no one else would. He understood me, and was willing to look past the bad. He was my friend, and one I loved more than anything. He was different, and that's what I liked about him. He took care of me when I was sick, and allowed me the freedom to make choices for myself. I was heartbroken when I left him.

"She wasn't meant to die here, Broken Shadow. I...I promised I'd see her again."

I heard Fallen Leaves say that, and I wanted nothing more than to turn around on my walk to StarClan and race to him, twining my tail with his and comforting him, letting him know that I was still with him. We promised that we would see each other again...but since we were both dead, and walked different skies, would that even be possible?

"Fallen Leaves... Leafpool... Jayfeather... Lionblaze... everyone. I'm so sorry. But, I knew going in what I would face. Hawkfrost killed me, and I knew that it would happen. There's nothing that can be done now, so I'll just watch over you from StarClan. Know I love you all, and I wouldn't give anything to change what happened to me." I whispered this to myself, knowing that I was the only one around. There wasn't anything that could be done to bring me back to them, and I accepted my fate. I'd lived long enough without following any rules, or going by the norm. Perhaps it was time I started.

"If only you know how wrong you were, young one."

I turned around, and could see a black tom looking in my direction. Although faint, I could make out the color of green eyes looking at me, and they reminded me of the trees at home- so full of life and plump, green, full leaves. I'd never seen this tom before in my life, but, I felt as if I could trust him. After all, this was StarClan. I hesitantly looked him in the eyes.

"Who are you?" I asked him. It certainly couldn't be a cat from the modern Clans. At least not one that I'd heard of.

"My name? It's been too long since anyone has spoken it." He lifted one paw, and flicked his ear. "I was once known as Lightningtail, and I was the very first deputy of ThunderClan, before I was killed by another warrior in battle. However, I go by Lightning now, as to isolate myself from those I once called my Clanmates. They abandoned me when I needed help the most. They sat back and watched as one of the very first Clan leaders ripped my throat out. No matter how many times I called for help, they didn't listen. My life was taken from me by none other than the leader of one of the most ruthless Clans. Shadow took my life, and I'll never forget the look in her eyes."

I looked at Lightning. The expression in his eyes was something I'd never seen before. It wasn't exactly a look of horror, but, I couldn't explain it even if StarClan gave me all the time in the world. "I... I'm sorry to hear that... I can't imagine something like that happening in today's Clans... I mean, it goes against everything the Warrior Code stands for!" It shocked me, having to hear about how a Clan leader of all cats would just murder another cat. "She was a Clan leader..."

Lightning cut me off, and shook his head. "Little one, when I was alive, we didn't have the Warrior Code as you know it. We could hardly be called Clans, honestly. In fact, we really weren't. We were just bands of rogues who's founding members left their old home...but whispers and rumors spread, tensions rose, and things escalated into a battle that divided the forest for good. Perhaps this is why the Clans now are so divided...those weren't our intentions when we started splitting up." He paused, and let his gaze wander for a moment. After shaking his head as if to clear his mind of nightmares, he looked down at me. "Now, little one, what is your name?"

"Hollyleaf. I used to be a warrior of ThunderClan. But, I gave my life for that of another, and now I'm here in StarClan. But, I don't see any of the cats I know... I've heard the stories of Bluestar, Whitestorm, and the other former cats of my Clan, yet, I don't see them. Lightning, do StarClan cats walk alone in the stars?"

"No, young warrior. This is a distant part of StarClan, where only few have walked before. Most are spending time with their friends and family. Here, however... this is a very special place. Hollyleaf, you should consider yourself lucky to have found your way here. You mentioned a cat named... Fallen Leaves, was it?"

I looked away. Fallen Leaves was my best friend. What I wouldn't give to see him again. "Yes. But, we walk different skies. How is it possible for me to see him again?"

Lightning looked at me and smiled, something I hadn't seen him do yet. "Well, as I said, this is a very special place within StarClan's territory. It connects with the other ancestors. Young one, you may very well be able to find that special friend of yours. After all, what's a promise, if you can't keep it?"

SPOILER: Click to show

{Chapter Two- Monster}Fallen Leaves' PoV
Fallen Leaves was distraught. He couldn’t sleep, and when he did manage to pass out from exhaustion, his dreams were wracked with memories and nightmares; all of them involving the black she-cat he’d grown so close to when he was in the tunnels. He would rarely leave his nest, unless it was to make dirt or to get a drink of water from the stream.

It had been at least two moons since Hollyleaf’s death, and he was still blaming himself for it. Although he wasn’t there when she was killed saving another Clan cat, he still kicked himself for even thinking it was anyone’s fault other than his own. He was self-exiling himself from the rest of the Ancient cats, and punishing himself for something he had no control over.

His mother, Broken Shadow, caught onto this, and tried her best to comfort him. She would let him do whatever he pleased, as long as he showed himself every now and then, if not for himself, than for those whom he called his family. This one day in particular, there was something about her son that disturbed her; he hadn’t come out of his nest like he normally did around the same time every day. The orange tabby got up, shook her head, and walked to where Fallen Leaves slept.

“Fallen Leaves?” She cautiously approached her son, not knowing what kind of mood he was in. Ever since being freed from the tunnels, Fallen Leaves’ mood varied, and all because he was separated from that she-cat. Quietly stepping closer, she rested her tail on the younger cat’s shoulder, trying to comfort him.

Sighing, Fallen Leaves turned his head and faced the cat he called his mother. The look in his eyes was something she had seen a lot of during the past few moons. It was the look of a cat filled with regret and guilt. “Broken Shadow... I...”

Broken Shadow shook her head, and her gaze slightly drifted away from the other cat. “I know, Fallen Leaves. You miss her. But, you can’t wallow in this self-guilt for much longer...it’s going to end up eating you alive, and there won’t be anything left of you..”

Fallen Leaves’ eyes suddenly grew wide, and he shook his head angrily. “Self-guilt?! This is my fault! She died because I let her leave the tunnels! I knew I should have just asked her to stay with me, instead of going outside! I told her she could go home, and look at what happened! I lost one of the only cats I care about because I let her go... Broken Shadow...do you think I should have tried harder to get her to stay? I know I promised we’d see each other again...but I can’t help but think I should have tried harder to...to...to keep her with me...” Fallen Leaves’ voice shook with regret, and he tried to steady himself, so he wouldn’t break down completely. This was the last line of defense he had, before the guilt of losing someone he loved came down and crashed over him.

Broken Shadow sighed, and looked towards Stone Song, who was talking with Half Moon, the leader of the Ancient cats. Although she was also called Stoneteller, she preferred the name given to her at birth. “I don’t know... If I were to lose you again, or if I were to lose Stone Song, I don’t know what I’d do. I guess we each handle things differently... I really can’t answer your question, Fallen Leaves. Perhaps Half Moon would be able to...”

“How would Half Moon be able to help me? She didn’t lose someone she considered a friend! She was our Healer! She didn't have a mate or kits...”

“You don’t know that. You’re not her. How do you know the pain she went through. What about Jay’s Wing, Fallen Leaves?! Did you forget about him?” Broken Shadows spat out, clearly annoyed with trying to bring her son to reason.

“Jay’s Wing.”

“Yes, Jay’s Wing. You did forget, didn’t you?”

“No. I didn’t. Jay’s Wing got to die a normal death. I was killed because of our stupid Sharpclaw ritual, and Hollyleaf was killed by some...some rogue cat! Both of our deaths weren’t fitting even the most honorable Sharpclaw.”

“How could you be so ungrateful? Hollyleaf died to protect her friend. If it wasn’t for her, StarClan only knows what other cats would have died that day.” Broken Shadow glared at Fallen Leaves. “It seems you’ve forgotten what’s most important in life.”

Fallen Leaves got up, and lashed his tail, clearly angered by his mother’s words. ‘No one can help me now. I’m alone. Not Half Moon, not Stone Song, and certainly not Broken Shadow. I once thought they would be able to help me get over what happened to her. But, they’ve only made it worse! Their helping...has only made me realize that I am to blame.’ He took a moment to vent in his mind before forming words, and with a look of pure anger, he spoke to Broken Shadow.

“I’m an animal. I let the one I cared about the most die. I could have saved her. There is nothing I can do to make up for that. I don’t deserve this afterlife, if Hollyleaf isn’t with me. I’m a disgrace to the Ancients. She died because of me. And I will never forgive myself.”

And with that, Fallen Leaves dashed out of the cave, and if cats could cry, that’s exactly what he would have been doing.

Broken Shadow could only watch as her only kit struggled to make sense of everything that happened.

Hollyleaf’s PoV

“So, let me get this straight. There’s a way that I can see Fallen Leaves again?” Hollyleaf spoke, her voice almost high-pitched at the thought of seeing her friend again. She almost felt like bouncing around like when she was a small kit, playing with Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and the others back in ThunderClan’s nursery. She looked at Lightning, hoping this was true.

The loner nodded, and grinned. “You really are just a kit, compared to me. I wouldn’t even dream of bouncing around like you are now. I quite honestly can’t even remember being a young warrior like yourself, let alone a mewling kit.”

“I’m not that young! There are tons of warriors in ThunderClan who are younger than me!” Hollyleaf laughed, and shot a playful glare in Lightning’s direction. Ever since her death, she’d seen many StarClan cats, but Lightning was the only one willing to spend any time with her. Of course, the one she really wanted to spend time with wasn’t anywhere to be found.

“Every cat in StarClan is young compared to me. Even some of the oldest StarClan spirits are young compared to me. After all, I was the first ThunderClan deputy, remember?” Lightning laughed and continued on with the explanation. “Yes, it is possible for you to see him again. The ancestors of the Clans, the Tribe of Rushing Water and the Ancient cats all walk the same skies, although our views are what separate us from each other.”

“How do you know all of this, Lightning?” Hollyleaf was amazed. For a loner, he really knew quite a lot about the ways of other Clans and Tribes.

“I guess it comes from always being on the outside of arguments. On the rare occasion there would be a dispute between the cats of the Clans and the cats of other places... I would usually be sitting in the background, keeping an eye on them and studying their activities. It takes someone on the outside to notice things for what they really are.”

Hollyleaf was stunned. ‘I wonder if this is really who he is. A loner who was dragged into a life he didn’t want. He seems so content by himself, without others to talk with. I can agree with him, because until I met Fallen Leaves, I didn’t want to live with any other cat. I couldn’t go chasing after Sol; I knew if I found him, I would have killed him like I did Ashfur....perhaps I am a monster.’

The expression on Hollyleaf’s face went from one of pure amazement, to that of confusion. She really didn’t know what to think. Would she be allowed to even go near Fallen Leaves? Would they accept her? ‘I have the claws of a killer. Ashfur’s blood still stains my once white claws.’

Walking away from Lightning for a moment, Hollyleaf gazed out onto the lake in StarClan’s territory. Vast, crystal clear, and peaceful, the lake was a place Hollyleaf often went if she needed to think. It was when she went here, and sat down next to the faintly rippling water, that she would be able to clear her head and think.

“What do I do? I want to see him more than anything...but am I nothing more than a killer not even worthy of StarClan?”

Lightning’s PoV

Lightning watched as Hollyleaf walked off. There was something troubling the she-cat, but, because he respect her, he decided not to probe into her thoughts. Instead, he let her walk off towards the lake, one place he knew that she’d be able to sort out her thoughts.

“I really wish I could help her. I feel so bad, having to stand here and watch her thoughts torment her...” Sighing, he got up and started walking in the other direction, only to be interrupted by a voice.

“You can help her, dear one. You’re the only one who’s able to stand by and watch, despite knowing what you do.”

Lightning turned around and found himself only a few fox lengths away from an elegant silver tabby, her distinctive black paws parting the grass around her. Lightning’s jaw dropped, and he shook his head. ‘There’s no way! I thought she was gone...’

The silver cat continued to walk forward, disproving the loner’s theory that this was a dream. Only when her black tail-tip touched his, did he realize this was something real, and it was a cat he’d waited many, many moons to see again. “Lightning, my dear. It’s wonderful to see you again....nothing’s changed, I see.”

“Dreamcatcher...how did you find me?” Lightning was stunned. There was only one cat who would ever be able to entrance him like Dreamcatcher did. Around her, he felt different. He didn’t know what it was, but, he wanted nothing more than to see that graceful and beautiful she-cat; and she was the only one who ever supported his short-lived deputyship of ThunderClan.

“Lightning...how else would I find you? You may move around from time to time...but you always come back to the same place. You know as well as I do that this meadow is one of your favorite spots. If I know you, and I do...well, let’s just say that it’s a lot easier to understand you than you think.” Dreamcatcher laughed and flicked her tail over Lightning’s ear.

“Perhaps you do know me...but that still doesn’t explain what you’re doing here. I thought you and Tigertree would be happily together in StarClan.” Lightning spat out the name of tom who’d loved Dreamcatcher, but was killed in battle. Tigertree had vowed to see Dreamcatcher again in StarClan.

Dreamcatcher sighed and looked away, her head shaking. “When will you get it through your head? I moved on after he died. Yes, we still see each other in StarClan from time to time...but.. I never loved him. At least, not in that sense. Perhaps we were just best friends, and that's how fate decided to play the leaves. Maybe there was someone else I could have spent my time with...” She sighed, shaking her head, and sat down next to Lightning.

“Dreamcatcher....what are you..?” Lightning was cut off by a tail being placed over his mouth, blue-green eyes staring him down.

“Now, what are you going to do about Hollyleaf? After everything you’ve seen, I know you’re not going to sit there and let her tear herself apart. We’ve made mistakes in the past...and I’ll be sent to the Dark Forest before I let you make the same mistake again.” Dreamcatcher’s tone grew serious once more, and she removed her tail to let Lightning speak.

“I won’t make the same mistake twice. I once let my own selfish, kit-like ambitions get in the way of what I was sent to do.” Lightning’s voice grew confidant, and he looked in the direction of the lake. “I can only hope I’m doing the right thing.”

“Lightning, I know you are. I have faith in you. I believe you know what the right thing to do is.”

Chapter Two is written in three different views for a reason, and it's only to really introduce a few characters and isn't gonna be normal. Also, yes, I inserted Dreamcatcher- kiss my butt. She's vital to the plot but the story doesn't focus on her.

[Jayfrost]

Very nice. I like the descriptions of StarClan, and seeing Hollyleaf and Fallen Leaves' worries about themselves and each other. I really ship these two, so it's nice to find a fanfic with them together. Can't wait to read more. ^^

[Garrus Vakarian]

Thank you, Jayie! =)

Here, have a slightly different chapter three than what I was initially planning.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Chapter Three - Breakdown}Sighing, Hollyleaf looked on. She had no idea what would happen, or why she was even in StarClan to begin with. The black she-cat was scared that she would have actually been sent to the Place of No Stars, the desolate and grim place where cats who'd done bad in their lifetime stay. Hollyleaf knew the stories about Tigerstar, Thistleclaw, Mapleshade, and many others; she'd heard it all from Ivypool, who had explained to her some of what the four Clans and StarClan had to prepare themselves for.

'I know that I killed Ashfur, but he was going to ruin everything! Had I not done what I did... Lionblaze, Jayfeather, and I could have been exiled... Leafpool and Squirrelflight too. And poor Brambleclaw. He was the best father I could have ever asked for...' She rested her head on her paws, and spoke quietly to herself.

“I'm the one who should be in the Dark Forest. I murdered someone who was a respected and loved member of ThunderClan. I'm the monster who doesn't even deserve to live in the afterlife, either here or the Dark Forest.”

A twig snapped, making Hollyleaf jump. Turning around, she could see a mottled gray shape padding forward, his blue eyes unreadable.

“If anyone is the monster, it's me.” The tom spoke with a calm and cool voice, and Hollyleaf couldn't sense the bloodlust and hatred that used to frequent the tone of his voice.

“Ashfur!!” Hollyleaf screeched and her claws kneaded at the ground, her body ready to pounce should she need to defend herself yet again.

“Greetings, Hollyleaf. I know you're probably wondering what I'm doing here, and I promise I will not hurt you. I came to tell you that I am sorry for taking out my rage on you and your brothers. Nothing will ever be able to allow me to come to terms with my sins, but I will no longer take out my pain and suffering on cats who had nothing to do with my battles.”

Ashfur's tail tip flicked, and he continued on, after Hollyleaf's silence betrayed nothing of what she was thinking. “I have exiled myself from the whole of StarClan, only making contact with the few cats I call family. I've seen Ferncloud here too... Larchkit, Hollykit, and Brindleface too. Oh, how I've missed them. I've even seen Shrewpaw, but he was dead long before you were born. The pain I feel now, is a different kind of pain, Hollyleaf. I feel the pain of regret and despair.”

Hollyleaf's green eyes grew wide as she listened to Ashfur speak. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her brother's ruthless mentor, her foster mother's closest friend at one point as well. 'Does Ashfur truly regret what he's done? Is this why StarClan allowed them into their grounds...or is there more than meets the eyes?' Not speaking, she continued to look at Ashfur, blinking to let him know he could continue.

“I loved Squirrelflight, Hollyleaf. Perhaps I let judgement and jealously get the better of me, but I did in fact love her. She was feisty, outgoing, brave, and her argumentative personality drew me to her. Perhaps we could have been mates, and raised a family together. I think at one point, she may have wanted that...but she decided that her heart lie with Brambleclaw.” Ashfur sighed and looked away from Hollyleaf and up to the sky, where the soft, fluffy, white clouds floated peacefully by. “I could never get over that. I let rage, despair, and jealously consume me.”

“But, Ashfur, what did Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and I ever do to you? Surely you must have known that we three kits were actually Leafpool and Crowfeather's children.” Hollyleaf glanced at her paws, although not out of shame. She didn't want to make direct eye contact with the gray cat, mainly out of fear.

“I did not know. I'm truly sorry for taking out my anger and rage on you three. You were innocent and blind to her lies. Even Brambleclaw...poor Brambleclaw. He really did fall for a faithless she-cat.” Sighing, Ashfur rose to his paws and approached Hollyleaf. “I really am sorry for what I've done, Hollyleaf. If I could take it back, I would.”

Hollyleaf blinked, and stepped back from Ashfur, making sure she was out of his reach. “I... I don't believe you. You tried to kill my brothers and I! And Squirrelflight too!” She was scared that he was lying in order to make her vanish for good. 'Just like Spottedleaf.' Hollyleaf briefly remembered the tortoiseshell she-cat who gave her life in StarClan for her grandfather and grandmother, Firestar and Sandstorm.

“I know you don't believe me, Hollyleaf. I'm not stupid.” Ashfur rolled his eyes and sat down in the grass and wrapped his long tail around his paws. “I wasn't asking for forgiveness. I don't want it.” Pausing, he glanced at Hollyleaf. The black she-cat still couldn't read the tom's eyes, and if she could read minds, she wasn't sure she wanted to. “I'm even surprised myself that I'm here. When you killed me, I had expected to go where Tigerstar and the others have gone. I accepted it and was ready for it.”

“I'm pretty shocked you're here, myself. Isn't trying to murder a Clan leader's kit and grandkits against the warrior code or something?” Hollyleaf hissed and her fur began to rise. Seeing Ashfur this calm scared her greatly, and she wanted nothing more than to run away and make sure that the other cat never found her again.

Ashfur stared at Hollyleaf, and his eyes grew cold. The blue color in his eyes darkened, and he got up and walked closer to the she-cat, forcing her to back up. She couldn't back up very far, however, before she found herself pinned between the tree and Ashfur. Glaring at her, Ashfur's eyes almost looked as cold as they were the night Squirrelflight revealed she and her brothers weren't her kits. Hollyleaf unsheathed her claws, ready to fight.

“Hollyleaf, you're a hypocrite. Do you remember how my life ended?” He paused and unsheathed his own claws, sharp and yellow. His voice lowered and he hissed in her ear, “...or do you need a reminder? Just because I am dead now, doesn't mean I can't make you vanish from here, just as you made me vanish from the real world. What would your precious-" hissing, his back arched "-ginger and white ancient cat have to say about that? His beloved Hollyleaf, killed by the same one who's life she took. It would be fitting, honestly. You took my life, so now I should take yours.”

“You're still the same monster. I knew it. You're not sorry!” Hollyleaf screeched at Ashfur, raising her paws and raking at his muzzle. Furious, Hollyleaf tried to get Ashfur away from her, by any means necessary. “Get away from me!”

Ashfur jumped on Hollyleaf, hissing. “You idiot she-cat! It's because of you I'm even here! I would have been alive and helping my Clan if you hadn't killed me! You're a useless excuse of a cat if I've ever seen one, and you deserve the same fate you subjected me to! I'll kill you if it's the last thing I ever do! You'll know the pain that I did, getting your life ripped out of you when you least expect it!” His voice seething with rage and hatred, he continued to attack the she-cat, his claws scratching at her black fur, tearing it away and leaving terrible scratch marks. Hollyleaf didn't know if she'd make it alive out of this, since Ashfur was a seasoned and trained warrior.

Trying to defend herself and get her attacker off her, Hollyleaf utilized her training and strong legs and threw Ashfur off. Despite the tom's larger size and somewhat bulkier body, Hollyleaf found that the tom was easier to thrust off than she initially thought. Getting up, she shook her pelt, trying to get some of the dirt off her. Her eyes traced the area around her, and landed where Ashfur lay, still and not moving. She knew he was still breathing, and decided to silently sneak away while he gathered himself.

Hollyleaf made her way through the trees and bushes, panting and gasping for air. 'Was Ashfur really serious? How can he be in StarClan if he's trying to kill me?!' Thoughts raced through her mind, and she continued to run, hoping to run into Lightning or another cat she was familiar with, one that could protect her. She continued to run, until her eyes blurred and everything started to spin. Her confrontation and near-death experience with Ashfur left her mind in such a blur.

Hollyleaf collapsed from the exhaustion. Her world spinning, she hadn't noticed the dark shape walking closer to her as she gave into the chaos and darkness within her head.

[Jayfrost]

Well, that didn't end the way I was expecting. O.O Jeez, Ashfur. He's still the same possessive, self-righteous jerk that thought he was justified murdering innocent cats. Poor Hollyleaf. I know she murdered him and all, but so far she's the only one who's shown genuine remorse here. Let's just hope Lightning can help her out.